How to talk with your partner about getting a KinkKit
It may feel intimidating, or even scary, to begin talking with your partner about your desires (but it gets easier the more practice you have!). One of the main questions we get from couples is how to introduce the KinkKit if you aren’t yet communicating with your partner about sex.
“How do we get this Kit that helps us open up intimate communication if we aren’t ready to talk about intimate communication?” I feel you.. it seems a bit like a chicken and egg scenario at first, but we have compiled some easy first steps to test the waters with your partner below. Check them out!
We have created two different ways for you to open up the conversation about getting a KinkKit:
Option A: Start with the Taste Test.
Have you ever taken a Buzzfeed personality quiz? Our Taste Test is like that, except it helps you narrow down your “bedroom personality”.
However, you can also use the Taste Test to open up the conversation with your partner about getting a Kit experience and which one you might enjoy the most.
Send the Taste Test to your partner at www.thekinkkit.com/quiz and talk about which results you got. Use that to open up the conversation with your partner about the different kinds of experiences there are, and which one you might like to experiment with.
“My partner and I both took the Taste Test, but we both got different results. Which one should we get first?”
If you both got different results, we would recommend discussing to see which one you are both more excited to check out. If one partner has reservations about a particular type of experience, we would recommend selecting the other Kit first, as a litmus test to open up the conversation.
While we believe that kink is variable and what may be kinky to some may be vanilla to others, we have loosely assigned our Kit sexperiences into categories based on the sexual themes covered within each KinkKit, to better help you choose.
Option B: Start with the free game.
Did you know that we offer a free game to get you started? Try playing that, if you haven’t already done so! You can get our free game by signing up for our newsletter -- if you need another version, please let our team know at info@theKinkKit.com and we can send you our free game to try.
You may choose to print out this game, or commit it to memory and ask your partner if they would like to play a game with you that you read about.
Debrief with each other afterwards:
How did it go? What went well? Were there awkward moments? Was there laughter?
Keep in mind that awkward moments are SUPPOSED to happen; they are not a sign of things going wrong. Rather, they are an indication that you and your partner are opening up to each other.
If there was something you didn’t enjoy about the game, that’s good! Figuring out and talking about what you don’t want is just as important as figuring out what you do want.
Identify that particular moment and see whether you can get creative with your partner. Was there something else about the game that could have gone better or been even sexier for you? Talk with your partner about what could be improved or tweaked.
When you have finished, ask your partner whether they would like to try more games with you. Invite them to take the Taste Test with you and talk about what sexperience you would like to try together.
Lastly, think about this conversation as an opportunity to have better sex and intimate communication, instead of from a place of lack around what is currently missing.
I know the general unspoken consensus is that we are all just supposed to know how to be good lovers to our partners, but the fact is, good lovers are made, not born. Furthermore, even if you were a good lover to another past partner, doesn’t mean that the same exact things are going to turn on or pleasure your current partner. Everyone’s bodies, arousal headspaces, and sexual preferences are unique -- and the joy of being in a relationship means that you have the privilege, if not the responsibility, to try to discover the things that fan your partner’s flames.
Sex is one of the few things in life we AREN’T continually trained to talk about and actively try to improve with our partners. In everything else in life, we are trained to keep improving, learning, getting better on the last version. And yet, our bodies are changing as we age. Our needs, wants, desires, and limits are changing. Why shouldn’t we have Sex Education and Intimacy Development much in the same way that we pursue Professional Development?
Healthy sex lives and intimate relationships account for so much of our personal happiness -- and research shows it even has effects on our mental and physical health and longevity. GOOD SEX CAN HELP YOU LIVE LONGER, Y’ALL. Why not strive to make it as good as possible?
Okay, but what if my partner doesn’t want to play the free game and is completely resisting talking about intimacy?
Great question. It’s time to have a conversation about your intimate needs. Let’s talk about what that might look like for you in our next post.