Art of Control: Myth Busting Power Roles

There's been a lot of misinformation about the powerplay roles of "Dominant" and "Submissive". This article will explain 2 Common Myths about powerplay roles. 

MYTH #1: The common understandings of "Dominant" and "Submissive" are a gendered binary.


MYTH


DOMINANCE

masculine

strong

aggressive

active

controlling

powerful

sadistic

SUBMISSION

feminine

weak

scared

passive

easily controlled

powerless

masochistic


REALITY


DOMINANCE

non-gendered

strong

has control over how the scene plays out
& listens to the cues of the sub

good listener

attentive

is earned

responsible

respects trust

grateful for their lover

SUBMISSION

non-gendered

also strong

has power to set limits
& end the scene at any time

good communicator

open-minded

is given

vulnerable

trusts

grateful for their lover


MYTH #2: Once a Dom/sub, always a Dom/sub. 

There's also the perception that once someone is "Dominant"or "Submissive", that person is forever a Dom or a Sub. This is NOT true! 

Power "Play" is just that. Play. You are learning how to play with your partner, and in doing so are psychologically exploring the different roles of Dominance and Submission.

A "Dominant" power play role is NOT the same thing as a personality trait. It is a role that is played, just like any character in a movie. Any person can "play" in the role of Dominant or Submissive. Some people are better able to access their "Dominant" or "Submissive" is not a personality the same as "dominating" It is not a need or a personality trait, it is a WANT. 

I am a heterosexual female, who happens to gain sexual excitement from being in the Submissive mindset. That doesn't mean I can't also get into a Dominant mindset, or that I am a submissive person, it just means I enjoy the Submissive Mindset. 

In FACT, I would argue that it is dangerous for a behaviorally-submissive person to sexually play in a submissive role with a behaviorally-dominant person without prior understanding of power roles. Power play is ultimately psychological play, and it has been proven time and time again that someone who is in a mindset of submission will have trouble speaking up -- which is EXACTLY where consent boundaries and limits can be easily crossed. It is therefore CRUCIAL that a submissive be able to understand their own power; namely, that THEY are the ones with the power. Furthermore, it is similarly CRUCIAL that a Dominant learn to listen and ask. 

For the reasons mentioned above, we thought it especially important for both lovers to explore both roles in our Art of Control kit, so that they can understand what it is like to be in both mindsets as they play and sexplore. 

Sexy Homework:

Discuss your understanding of Dominance and Submission with your lover. Did this article change your perspective? Which roles do you and your lover feel you identify with more? 

Art of Control: "Sexperiment Funsheet"

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Our Sexperiment Funsheet was graciously shared by Effy Blue, a master relationship coach specializing in ethical non-monogamy and nontraditional relationship structures. Effy also teaches an online and in-person workshop for those who are interested in attending Sex parties called Play Party Etiquette. Follow and connect with Effy Blue at effyblue.com or on Facebook.

The Game

We love Effy's approach to open intimate communication in this game, which not only asks couples to identify their comfort level with the listed acts, but also to indicate their level of knowledge of each. You can pair this Sexperiment Funsheet with "Yes, And" or "Fucket List", or use it as a solo game.

Effy's Instructions:

This funsheet is a tool to guide and support your sexual exploration into adventure and kink, solo or with a partner(s). This is by no means an exhaustive list. Human sexual desires are varied and expansive so allow yourself to dig deep. Get creative and feel free to add activities not covered. I strongly recommend you print this and make a date out of it without screens and distractions. HAVE FUN!!!

For each item on the lists, indicate your "DESIRE", "KNOWLEDGE", and "EXPERIENCE".

DESIRE - How much do you want to try/engage in the activity out of 5?
0: No interest at all
5: Can't wait to get down to it

KNOWLEDGE - Discuss how much you know about the activity so you can approach it with confidence. There is no shame in not knowing things and research can be a lot of fun.

EXPERIENCE - Discuss your experience doing this activity and how it felt.
This is great when doing this exercise with someone else as it can help in deciding who's going to take the lead.

We have separated these lists into 3: "TOYS", "LIGHTER PLAY", and "HEAVIER PLAY". We recommend going through one list at a time.


TOYS

 

BLINDFOLDS

BODY PAINT
(EDIBLE)

BODY PAINT
(NON-EDIBLE)

BUTT PLUGS

CLOTHESPINS

COCK RINGS

CORSETS

CUFFS
(LEATHER/METAL)

CUFFS
(SILICONE)

DILDOS

GAGS

HAIRBRUSH

HIGH HEELS

ICE CUBES

LEATHER CLOTHING

LINGERIE

RUBBER/LATEX CLOTHING

UNIFORMS

RIDING CROPS

SPREADER BARS

STOCKS

TIGHTS

VIBRATORS

DESIRE

KNOWLEDGE

EXPERIENCE


LIGHTER PLAY
The activities in this play list range from "traditional" to "light kink", and are great for building trust and communication. Always go slowly and proceed with open communication when trying something new.

 

ANAL SEX

BEING BLINDFOLDED

BLINDFOLDING

COCK/PUSSY WORSHIP

CROSS-DRESSING

GENITAL SEX

BEING SERVICED (SEXUAL)

BITING/NIBBLING

BREATHPLAY
LIGHT CHOKING

EROTIC DANCING

FULL-BODY KISSING

EDGING
ORGASM TEASE

EROTIC DANCING
STRIP TEASE

EYE CONTACT RESTRICTIONS

FOLLOWING ORDERS

FOOD PLAY

FOOT WORSHIP

HAIR PULLING

MASSAGE
(GIVING)

MASSAGE
(RECEIVING)

MODELING FOR EROTIC PHOTOS

MASTURBATION (WATCHING)

MASTURBATION (SHOWING OFF)

MUTUAL MASTURBATION

NIPPLE PLAY

ORAL SEX
ANAL (“RIMMING”)

ORAL SEX
BLOWJOB

ORAL SEX
CUNNILINGUS

ORGASM DENIAL

OUTDOOR SEX

OVER-THE-KNEE SPANKING

PHONE SEX

PINCHING

ROLEPLAY

SCRATCHING
(GIVING)

SCRATCHING (RECEIVING)

SHIBARI/ROPEPLAY

SKINNY-DIPPING

TANTRIC SEX

TEASING

TEMPERATURE PLAY

VIDEO (MAKING RECORDINGS)

VIDEO (WATCHING OTHERS)

WAX PLAY

DESIRE

KNOWLEDGE

EXPERIENCE


HEAVIER PLAY
The activities in this play list generally require a higher level of trust, intimacy, and sexperience. They also may involve more intense psychological or physical play. Always go slowly and proceed with open communication when trying something new.

 

BRUISES

BEATING
(HANDS)

BEATING
(IMPLEMENTS)

BONDAGE (HEAVY/SUSPENSION)

BONDAGE (INTRICATE/SHIBARI)

CAGES
(LOCKED INSIDE OF)

CANING

CHAINS

CHASTITY BELTS

DOUBLE PENETRATION

FACE SLAPPING

FISTING

FLOGGING

HAIRBRUSH SPANKINGS

KNEELING

MANACLES & IRONS

MARKS (GIVING)

MARKS (RECEIVING)

PAIN (MILD TO SEVERE)

PET PLAY

PLAY KIDNAPPING

PUNISHMENT SCENE

PUSSY/COCK WHIPPING/SPANKING

SARAN WRAPPING

STOCKS

SWAPPING
(WITH ONE OTHER COUPLE)

SWINGING
(MULTIPLE COUPLES)

TATTOOING

TENS UNIT
(ELECTRICAL TOY)

THUMBCUFFS
(METAL)

TRIPLE PENETRATION

VIOLET WAND (ELECTRICAL TOY)

WHIPS

WOODEN PADDLES

DESIRE

KNOWLEDGE

EXPERIENCE

Art of Control: "Yes, and..."

Game Design: The Method to Our Madness

In “Yes, And”, we designed a roleplaying game that pulls from the mindset of Improvisation Theater, or Improv. Improv teaches a very important mindset to its students. Those who practice Improv theater learn to be resourceful, take things less seriously, have fun, and expect the unexpected — all qualities that are especially valuable in the bedroom.

The principle of “Yes, And…” is an Improv mindset that teaches flexibility to couples in the bedroom. It’s so easy to worry about making an intimate experience “perfect”, or to get caught up in insecurities or self-talk. With a “Yes, and…” mindset, you are immediately put on your toes, wondering what the next action is going to be. 

We wanted our version of “Yes, And” to be customizable depending on your comfort levels and whether you want this to be part of sexual (physical) play or psychological foreplay. Check out our suggestions to Kink It Up below to see the different options you have to play the game…. We suggest trying them all! :) 

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Ways to Kink It Up: 

  • Use “Yes, And” in the moment that you are playing… when you are finished playing a particular scene, pull out the next card and see what you have to do next.
  • OR, pull out multiple activities at once, and see how many you can do at the same time! Can you pull off "Erotic Dancing" while using "Ice Cubes" and practicing "Orgasm Denial"? (Gauntlet thrown!)
  • You don’t just have to follow the cards that you pull out - add your own spin to it! 
  • Write it down and make it into an erotic love story. 
  • Play “Yes, And” on your own… then text your lover what you are going to act out later.
  • OR, play “Yes, and” alone with solo activities for a sexy self-love session… and send your lover pictures/texts as you narrate how you are pleasuring yourself.
  • Make a private home video as you act out your Erotic Scene. 

Making a Safe Space: 

Playing “Yes, And” does not mean that one can’t say “No” — remember, if you are not in the mood to act something out, even if you have tried that action before, it is totally okay not to do it! 

To limit the chances of “No” before you play, be sure to discuss which activities ARE on the menu before you put them into the Fucket Bucket. Even if you have done an activity like “Rimming” before and thoroughly enjoyed it, does not mean you or your lover may be in the mood or headspace to do that particular activity today. 

With that said -- let's say you or your lover starts "Rimming", and one of you decides that you aren't into it, you both can definitely change your mind or stop that play at ANY time. We recommend using your Stoplight code (check the "Stoplight Scramble" activity for more information). 

Art of Control: Wait For It

Game Design: The Method to Our Madness

In "Wait for It", we designed a straightforward powerplay activity that allows the Lead/Dominant to practice exercising their power, while the Follower/Submissive practices submitting to the directions of the Lead.

We added a little communicative twist to this game, as the couple has to determine who masturbated last, in order to roll first. We hope this sparks a fun conversation, and gets lovers into a naughty mindframe. If lovers happened to masturbate at the same time, change the metrics: Who came first? Or, Who looked sexier while doing it? Or, Who used a toy last?

We created a fill in the blank so that the lover practicing their Dominant power can have something to write, but not have to feel put on the spot to come up with the whole game. Feel free to change any of the wording. We have included some examples of how the game can be filled out, below.

Two elements of this game help the lover playing the Submissive role enter the more Submissive mindset.

  1. The Submissive must follow the rules that the Dominant puts forward. The Submissive has to follow specific directions in regards to positioning, location, what toys to use, and what clothing to wear.
  2. The act of "waiting" also puts the Submissive further into a submissive mindset.
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What each of the blanks mean: 

#: Pick a number of minutes your Sub has to wait.
Position: Pick the position you want your Sub to assume.
Place: Pick a place you want your Sub to go... is it the bed? The couch? On the floor? Bent over the kitchen table?
Clothing On/Off: Decide whether you want your Sub's clothing to be on or off. You can also decide to tell your Sub to wear a particular item of clothing, such as lingerie.
Give Direction: Decide what you want your Sub's hands to be doing. 
Title: Decide what you want your Sub to call you. There are any number of titles your Sub can use for you. Here is a short list of ideas...

  • "Love/My Love" 
  • "Sir/Mister/Miss/Madam"
  • "Mr./Mrs./Ms. [Last Name]" 
  • "Daddy/Mommy"
  • "Master/Mistress"
  • [Name of Your Choice]: to amp up the roleplay/fantasy
  • "Lord/Lady"
  • "God/Goddess"
  • "Captain"
  • "Professor/Doctor"
  • "Your Highness"
  • [Any nickname you want]... because this is your fantasy.

Sample Fill-in-the-Blanks:

  1. "I will come back in 10 minutes. When I do, I expect to find you face down, ass up on the bed, with your clothing off and your sexy black lingerie on. Your hands will be behind your back with the cuffs and your eyes will be closed. You will have the remote vibe inserted and the arousal balm out. Text "Yes Sir" to confirm." 
  2. "I will come back in 1 hour. When I do, I expect to find you bent over the kitchen table wearing nothing. Your hands will be stretched in front of you and you will have tied one of my silk scarves around your eyes. You will have the lube on the table next to you. Text "Yes Mrs. Jane" to confirm."
  3. "I will come back in 15 minutes. When I do, I expect to find you on the bed wearing nothing. You will be touching yourself for me with your eyes closed and your headphones on playing a Spotify playlist. You will have your vibrator out and on. Text "Yes Daddy" to confirm."

Ways to Kink It Up: 

There are already many ways to customize this game according to your comfort levels, but you may choose to make the game spicier by adding Inspection and "Funishment".

Inspection:
When playing with the Inspection twist, give very specific positioning instructions, and add the sentence "I will inspect your obedience when I return." Once the Dominant returns, their lover must go still and allow themselves to be inspected to make sure they followed directions exactly as asked. "Inspections" may involve some light poking, pinching, caressing, tickling, and prodding. Other ways to give positioning instructions include: room setup, perfume or cologne application, shaving or applying lotion, hair styling, makeup application... the possibilities are endless.

Funishment:
If you haven't played "Please or Punish" yet, funishment is a "fun punishment", such as a tickling, light spanking, teasing, or orgasm control. Funishment must be set ahead of time and agreed upon by lovers before play. Funishment can be incorporated with the normal game or with the Inspection twist. If the Submissive has not followed directions to the Dominant's liking, a Funishment may be administered... also, the Submissive may choose to directly disobey the rules, if they want to trigger a Funishment. Have fun with it!

Submissive Safe Space: 

Remember: at any time during play, the Submissive may be following the directions from the Dominant, but the Submissive maintains the power to set limits and stop play at any time. Giving up control, even if one is not putting oneself in a dangerous physical situation, can be psychologically triggering. Kneeling with a blindfold or having hands bound can trigger feelings of paranoia or claustrophobia, among other things. Always keep your lover's safety in mind.

Art of Control: Stoplight Scramble

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Submissive Safe Space: 

Remember: at any time during play, the Submissive may be following the directions from the Dominant, but the Submissive maintains the power to set limits and stop play at any time. Giving up control, even if one is not putting oneself in a dangerous physical situation, can be psychologically triggering. Kneeling with a blindfold or having hands bound can trigger feelings of paranoia or claustrophobia, among other things. Always keep your lover's safety in mind.

Art of Control: Remote Controlling

Read on for game design, more options to play, and how to charge and care for your vibe.

Game Design: The Method to Our Madness

There are so many fantastic options for games, we couldn't pick just one. So we put them all together here. We chose a remote controlled vibrator as the headliner toy of this KinkKit because it's a fantastic toy for powerplay. One lover controls the vibration speed and strength, and the other lover consents to wear said vibrator under his/her clothing. The vibrator is discreet and quiet enough to

Sexy Laundry

Use the remote vibe to tease your lover around the house while doing chores. Keep the vibes going until your partner is begging for release. Laundry has never been so sexy. 

Netflix & Chills

Put on a movie and pick a rule (ex. Every time a character talks to his/her love interest). Turn the vibe on every time that rule comes up. It's like a drinking game, but sexier. 

Out and About

The remote vibe is subtle enough to be worn under clothing in public. Use discretion, of course. If you want an easy and discreet introduction to outdoor play, go for a 10 to 20 minute walk outside. 

Push the Button

Use with the Love Button Arousal Balm on sensitive spots (clitoris, head of the penis) for some extra-good vibrations.

Dominated From Afar

If you are separated from your lover, give the remote to the lover wearing the vibe and send texts with directions to turn the vibe on or off.

Kink It Up

Use the remote vibe with any of the KinkKit games (it goes well with games from previous boxes, as well)!

 

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Ways to Kink It Up: 

There are already many ways to use this vibe according to your comfort levels, but you may dare to make these games spicier based on your location... just remember to use discretion. You can also use "Funishment".

Funishment:

If you haven't played "Please or Punish" yet, funishment is a "fun punishment", such as a tickling, light spanking, teasing, or orgasm control. Funishment must be set ahead of time and agreed upon by lovers before play. The Remote Vibrator is fantastic for Orgasm Control or Orgasm Denial; a Dom could just set it on light and "forget" it! ;-)

Submissive Safe Space: 

Remember: at any time during play, the Submissive may be following the directions from the Dominant, but the Submissive maintains the power to set limits and stop play at any time. Giving up control, even if one is not putting oneself in a dangerous physical situation, can be psychologically triggering. Kneeling with a blindfold or having hands bound can trigger feelings of paranoia or claustrophobia, among other things. Always keep your lover's safety in mind.

Remote Vibe Care

  1. Wash your vibe with soap and water.
  2. Only use water-based lubes, not silicone. Silicone lube on silicone toys will degrade the toy over time. 
  3. Charge your vibe for a minimum of 60 minutes before use. 
  4. Insert the thin, round end of the charger into the base of the vibe. The insertion point is marked by a series of circles that looks like a bullseye.
  5. When using the remote control, point it directly at the vibe and hold it for a couple of seconds. The remote control is less effective between walls, but works well up to 15 feet if pointed in the direction of the vibe. 

Art of Control: Please or Punish

Game Design: The Method to Our Madness

In "Please or Punish", we designed a powerplay activity that can be modified to fit nearly any traditional game; in this kit, we decided to pair it with a couples' card game of Truth or Dare. This not only allows couples to practice their intimate communication, but it also adds an erotic powerplay element to the game. 

The game also demonstrates how a powerplay dynamic can be fluid (and still equal). Essentially, from Round to Round, the active Player is the Submissive, and the other player is the Dominant ready to carry out the Reward or "Funishment".

This game also demonstrates how the Submissive is the one who truly holds the power in the dynamic, as the Submissive decides whether or not to follow the directions on the card - the Dominant is simply carrying out the Reward or Funishment. In other words, the Submissive determines what the Dominant's actions will be. And, as always, the Submissive can stop gameplay, Rewards, or Funishment at any time by using a safeword. 

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Ways to Kink It Up: 

  • The Dominant can determine whether that round will be a "Truth" or a "Dare" round. If the Submissive (active player) does not wish to complete that Round's card, they will instead submit to a "Funishment". 
  • Funishment Rules can be "stacked"... so if a Submissive has already earned a Funishment, they can earn multiple Funishments as the rounds continue.

    More Examples of "Funishment" Rules

    • Oral/Hand Service: The Submissive must pleasure the Dominant with hands or mouth during their Round.
    • Erotic Spanking: The Submissive must submit to an erotic spanking over the Dominant's lap throughout the entirety of any "Truth" card.
    • Tickle: The Submissive must present their Feet/Armpits/Sensitive Area to be tickled for no less than 10 seconds.
    • "Don't Stop!": The Submissive may not stop their round until the Dominant says so. 

    More Examples of Rewards

    • Oral/Hand Service: The Dominant will pleasure the Submissive with hands or mouth during their Round.
    • Erotic Spanking: Because who said it can't be a reward, too?
    • Funishment Freebie: The Submissive gets one Funishment Freebie if they lose a round (they don't get a reward, either, but they don't get a funishment). Only once per game.

    Submissive Safe Space: 

    Remember: at any time during play, the Submissive may be following the directions from the Dominant, but the Submissive maintains the power to set limits and stop play at any time. Giving up control, even if one is not putting oneself in a dangerous physical situation, can be psychologically triggering. Kneeling with a blindfold or having hands bound can trigger feelings of paranoia or claustrophobia, among other things. Always keep your lover's safety in mind.

    Art of Control: Kinky Ink

    Game Design: The Method to Our Madness

    With this activity, we decided to give couples a way to practice long-term, but not permanent, marking of each other. Marking and inking each other is a fun way to show possession and ownership. By writing an intimate message in a hidden area, you and your lover will give each other a secret love marking that will be carried around as a reminder even when you are apart.

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    Couples will practice SUBMISSIVE MINDSET, VULNERABILITY, and TRUST. All couples experimenting with power play or “control” play have to practice letting go of control to their partner. 

    The partner receiving the henna tattoo can set their own limits as to where the henna may be placed; for example, henna markings on the face or on the arms may not be acceptable for a work environment. However, once the receiving partner has set their limits, they must give their partner consent to mark anywhere else. 

    Where to Ink:

    Get creative! You can mark anywhere on the body besides the areas your lover has indicated are limits… and you can make the message as large or small as you want. 

    For example:

    • Write "Mine" right at the crease of your lover's butt. 
    • Draw a small heart on the ribcage.
    • Write your name on the sole of your lover's foot.
    • Draw a meaningful symbol on your lover's inner thigh.

    Henna Care: 

    Henna ingredients: Mehndi powder, guar gum, food grade colors, food grade preservatives, Paper for Henna Applicator Cones, Distilled water, Eucalyptus oil, Nilgiri oil

    Make sure to test a small dot of henna paste on your skin and your partner’s skin to ensure you do not have any allergic reactions first. 

    DO NOT TOSS AWAY THE GREEN CAP! Once you both are done using the tube, if you still have leftovers and wish to use it again, cap the tube with the thin green cap and place it in the freezer. This ensures the paste will not become oxidized (which would render the paste useless). 

    Art of Presence: Happy Endings

    "Happy Endings" is this Kit's aftercare activity. Want to learn more about aftercare, and why it's so important? Read the information below the Happy Endings card!

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    OUR THOUGHT PROCESS: 

    Aftercare is such an important process in intimacy-building, even if the activity you had just completed was not sexual. It is a method of communication that can be verbal or non-verbal, and allows both partners to check in with each other and ensure that both are feeling safe, happy, respected, and loved. Here are some listed examples of Verbal and Non-Verbal aftercare:

    VERBAL AFTERCARE:

    1) An "Intimacy Huddle": Talking/debriefing particulars and sharing emotions and thoughts about the experience you just shared. Definitely talk about the exciting parts of the experience, but also try not to shy away from embarrassing or vulnerable moments -- those, too, are an important part to acknowledge and discuss. Sample questions:

    • What was something we did that you loved? 
    • What was something you wish you could have done more of?
    • What worked? 
    • What didn't work?
    • What do you want to try again?
    • How did you feel when ___ happened?
    • Did anything make you feel uncomfortable? If so, what? 

    2) Texting or calling each other if you are not physically together to check in. 

    3) Continue expressing gratitude for each other and share little tidbits of what you thought was an especially exciting or fun part of the experience (This should ensure that you try that particular thing again!).

    NON-VERBAL AFTERCARE: 

    1) Cuddling

    2) Showering together

    3) Massaging

    4) Touching each other when you are in the same space.

    MAKE AFTERCARE A HABIT:

    No matter if you try the Happy Endings activity after each of the KinkKit activities, or try something else in the list above, it is important to always practice one Verbal or Non-Verbal Aftercare after an intimate activity.

    TELL US HOW IT WENT!: 

    We don’t need to know any details you don’t wish to share, but we would love your feedback on this activity! Send us a message at info@thekinkkit.com.

    Art of Arousal: My Grateful Valentine

    Here you can find some additional information on the “My Grateful Valentine” activity and additional suggestions to enjoy the activity even further.

    OUR THOUGHT PROCESS: 

    Aftercare is such an important process in intimacy-building, even if the activity you had just completed was not sexual. It is a method of communication that can be verbal or non-verbal, and allows both partners to check in with each other and ensure that both are feeling safe, happy, respected, and loved. Here are some listed examples of Verbal and Non-Verbal aftercare:


    Verbal Aftercare:

    1) An "Intimacy Huddle": Talking/debriefing particulars and sharing emotions and thoughts about the experience you just shared. Definitely talk about the exciting parts of the experience, but also try not to shy away from embarrassing or vulnerable moments -- those, too, are an important part to acknowledge and discuss. Sample questions:

    • What was something we did that you loved? 
    • What was something you wish you could have done more of?
    • What worked? 
    • What didn't work?
    • What do you want to try again?
    • How did you feel when ___ happened?
    • Did anything make you feel uncomfortable? If so, what? 

    2) Texting or calling each other if you are not physically together to check in. 

    3) Continue expressing gratitude for each other and share little tidbits of what you thought was an especially exciting or fun part of the experience (This should ensure that you try that particular thing again!).

    Non-Verbal Aftercare: 

    1) Cuddling

    2) Showering together

    3) Massaging

    4) Touching each other when you are in the same space.


    We designed The Grateful Valentine activity as a roundabout way of expressing continued affection for your partner and showing them gratitude after a particular experience you shared. There is a fun element in the randomness of sharing these texts or hiding these love notes for your partner to find, and depending on what you write on the note, it could trigger varying emotions in your lover: a smile, a feeling of gratitude, a boost in confidence, or it could stir up a sexy memory or get them in the mood. 

    MAKE AFTERCARE A HABIT:

    No matter if you try the Grateful Valentine activity after each of the KinkKit activities, or try something else in the list above, it is important to always practice one Verbal or Non-Verbal Aftercare after an intimate activity.

    TRY IT AGAIN!: 

    Download and print or save these images on your phone to reuse: 

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    TELL US HOW IT WENT!: 

    We don’t need to know any details you don’t wish to share, but we would love your feedback on this activity! Send us a message at info@thekinkkit.com 

    We hope you enjoy this My Grateful Valentine activity!

    Go back to learn more about the other activities.

    Art of Arousal: Love Inspection

    Here you can find some additional information on and resources for the Love Inspection activity and additional suggestions to enjoy the activity even further.

    OUR THOUGHT PROCESS: 

    The Love Inspection is about inspecting your lover with love and respect, with the intent to learn more about what makes them tick and where they are sensitive. We have often been conditioned to think that pleasure can only be obtained from focusing on sexual organs — which has to be one of the least sexy ways to describe those areas, am I right? — but that’s not so. Everyone has sensitive areas all over their body that, when stimulated in the right way, could be pleasurable. 60% of adults surveyed said they wished their lover would kiss them on their neck more, for example. Some people love to have their feet touched. Others find a light touch on the inner thigh or a nibble of the earlobe to be very pleasing. These are known as “Erogenous Zones”, and that is what you are looking for in the Love Inspection activity. Don’t hesitate to look in random areas such as an elbow or behind the kneecap… your “Patient” may not even know about these erogenous zones themselves! 

    ASK THIS QUESTION:

    We have mentioned this one in other activities, but one of the best practices to ensure continued respect, especially during intimate situations, is a simple question: “May I …?” 

    “May I …?” is such a simple question, but the gesture of asking, even when both partners have consented, immediately offers respect and renews trust in both lovers that they are both excited about the prospect of what is to come. This question is especially valuable when the Doctor is about to touch a sensitive area or known tickle spot of the Patient. The vulnerability of being inspected can release different emotions in people, and what may be exciting for one person could be a trigger for another — even AFTER they have previously consented. Be sure to keep those lines of communication open throughout the entire activity.

    DEBRIEF AFTERWARDS:

    Be sure to debrief with each other afterwards (as recommended in “My Grateful Valentine”). 

    For the Doctor: Did you learn anything new about your lover? How did it feel to have that power of inspecting and teasing your lover’s erogenous zones? What did you appreciate about the experience? What thoughts were going through your mind? 

    For the Patient: Did you learn anything new about yourself or your body? How did it feel to be inspected by your lover? What did you appreciate about the experience? What thoughts were going through your mind? 

    TRY IT AGAIN!: 

    Download and print or save this image on your phone to reuse: 

    doctors notes.png

    TELL US HOW IT WENT!: 

    We don’t need to know any details you don’t wish to share, but we would love your feedback on this activity! Send us a message at info@thekinkkit.com 

    We hope you enjoy this Love Inspection activity, and encourage you to try out the alternate Kink It Up variations after you finish it the first time!

    Go back to learn more about the other activities.

    RESOURCES:

    1 - https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/sep/07/neuroscientists-sex-brain
    2 - http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/the-lesser-known-erogenous-zones-and-how-to-find-them-10419267.html
    3 - https://greatist.com/play/guide-to-male-female-erogeneous-zones
    4 - https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a5267051/female-erogenous-zones/
    5 - https://fustany.com/en/lifestyle/love--relationships/the-not-so-obvious-erogenous-zones-of-the-male-body

    Art of Arousal: Acupincher

    Here you can find some additional information on the “Acupincher” activity and additional suggestions to enjoy the activity even further.

    OUR THOUGHT PROCESS: 

    The Acupincher is about giving your partner a fun massage with a bit of pinch to stimulate adrenaline and get your lover’s skin sensitive (which could awaken Erogenous Zones and is a perfect way to arouse in a way your lover may not have experienced before). We included a little color-coded diagram of common acupuncture zones to help you figure out where to trace on your lover’s body, so you have a sense of direction. We suggest marking down which colored trails your lover enjoyed the most! 

    DETERMINE YOUR LIMITS BEFORE STARTING:

    This spiky pinwheel is quite small and tame, but it is a good practice to determine an agreed-upon verbal word or non-verbal signal that indicates to stop immediately, should the Receiver wish to stop at any moment — this ensures continued enthusiastic involvement by both parties. 

    DEBRIEF AFTERWARDS:

    Be sure to debrief with each other afterwards (as recommended in “My Grateful Valentine”). 

    For the Giver : Did you learn anything new about your lover? How did you like giving that massage? What did you appreciate about the experience? What thoughts were going through your mind? 

    For the Receiver: Did you learn anything new about yourself or your body? How did you like the pinch of the pinwheel? Did you find any particular areas were more sensitive afterwards? What did you appreciate about the experience? What thoughts were going through your mind? 

    TELL US HOW IT WENT!: 

    We don’t need to know any details you don’t wish to share, but we would love your feedback on this activity! Send us a message at info@thekinkkit.com 

     

    We hope you enjoy this Acupincher activity, and encourage you to try out the alternate Kink It Up variations after you finish it the first time!

    Go back to learn more about the other activities.