Art of Control: Myth Busting Power Roles

There's been a lot of misinformation about the powerplay roles of "Dominant" and "Submissive". This article will explain 2 Common Myths about powerplay roles. 

MYTH #1: The common understandings of "Dominant" and "Submissive" are a gendered binary.


MYTH


DOMINANCE

masculine

strong

aggressive

active

controlling

powerful

sadistic

SUBMISSION

feminine

weak

scared

passive

easily controlled

powerless

masochistic


REALITY


DOMINANCE

non-gendered

strong

has control over how the scene plays out
& listens to the cues of the sub

good listener

attentive

is earned

responsible

respects trust

grateful for their lover

SUBMISSION

non-gendered

also strong

has power to set limits
& end the scene at any time

good communicator

open-minded

is given

vulnerable

trusts

grateful for their lover


MYTH #2: Once a Dom/sub, always a Dom/sub. 

There's also the perception that once someone is "Dominant"or "Submissive", that person is forever a Dom or a Sub. This is NOT true! 

Power "Play" is just that. Play. You are learning how to play with your partner, and in doing so are psychologically exploring the different roles of Dominance and Submission.

A "Dominant" power play role is NOT the same thing as a personality trait. It is a role that is played, just like any character in a movie. Any person can "play" in the role of Dominant or Submissive. Some people are better able to access their "Dominant" or "Submissive" is not a personality the same as "dominating" It is not a need or a personality trait, it is a WANT. 

I am a heterosexual female, who happens to gain sexual excitement from being in the Submissive mindset. That doesn't mean I can't also get into a Dominant mindset, or that I am a submissive person, it just means I enjoy the Submissive Mindset. 

In FACT, I would argue that it is dangerous for a behaviorally-submissive person to sexually play in a submissive role with a behaviorally-dominant person without prior understanding of power roles. Power play is ultimately psychological play, and it has been proven time and time again that someone who is in a mindset of submission will have trouble speaking up -- which is EXACTLY where consent boundaries and limits can be easily crossed. It is therefore CRUCIAL that a submissive be able to understand their own power; namely, that THEY are the ones with the power. Furthermore, it is similarly CRUCIAL that a Dominant learn to listen and ask. 

For the reasons mentioned above, we thought it especially important for both lovers to explore both roles in our Art of Control kit, so that they can understand what it is like to be in both mindsets as they play and sexplore. 

Sexy Homework:

Discuss your understanding of Dominance and Submission with your lover. Did this article change your perspective? Which roles do you and your lover feel you identify with more?